new book coming soon....

The blog is going through some changes as I prepare it for a relaunch. I have been very busy these last few months and have let the blog fall by the way side. I do have some good news though!

I have taken down the stories and plan to re-work them. I hope to republish them once I'm done.I will also release my first book later this year. The final touches are being done right now and my new book "Wicked China: My walkabout through the middle Kingdom!" is almost ready. 

If you would like an advanced copy as the date of release gets closer or would like to ask a question, please drop me an email. I look forward to the E-Book launch later this year! It has been a long hard road but the book has finally found wings and I am pleased to report that the manuscript is looking good. I hope you will enjoy reading it just as much as I enjoyed writing it. 

Even a blind man can do it......

A couple of weeks ago some colleagues and I had a thought; are guide dogs allowed in a casino? Do blind people even gamble? with those initial questions a whole series of further questions then arose as we jokingly laughed out loud at the idea of a blind man risking it all in a casino. Never in our life did we think we would live to see the day. The look on all our faces said it best. The surprise was almost overwhelming, and we watched amazed as a blind man and his dog were escorted into the casino. How were we to deal with a blind man and his dog? I guessed at the time that the most important thing was to be cool. And thus my only reaction at the time was to ask - what's the dog's name?

They came into my restaurant for lunch. An old man - blind for many years - one could tell by the grace in his movement - his trust in himself as he sat down with ease at the table.  His wing man guiding himself into position beside him, an action the dog had obviously done many times before. As I introduced myself to the old man and his dog I started what would be a journey into the world of the Australian Guide Dogs. The first lesson I learned was simple. It is OK to say hello to guide dogs. They're very people oriented and love nothing better than getting a good scratch on the back - but only if they are not working. Once they're harnessed it's a different ball game. They go into what they call a zone. So here in my restaurant on a quiet afternoon I found myself free to play with a pure breed guide dog. Most guide dogs are Labrador and begin their life like any other pup - footloose and fancy free. Poochy, the wing-man and best friend of the blind man that was sitting at my table knew I meant him no harm and positioned himself on his back for a tummy rub. His friendlessness was way too cool for school. 

A pure breed Labrador pup is worth upward in the range of $45000 dollars and that's even before they are selected to be paired with their handler. Not all dogs can become guide dogs and the only way to tell an actual trained dog is to look for the little gold medallion that hangs proudly from his or her collar. All guide dogs also have what they call a passport – a license if you will, that allows them to travel freely where all other animals may not.  I also found out that only 1 in 5 dogs that go through the training process are successful. But the most amazing part about the Australian Guide Association is once the training is complete the dogs are given freely to those who need them the most at no cost. Zip, zero nudda. They are truly amazing animals. The National Guide Dog Association is a non-government funded organisation. They rely on money donated by the general public. I still have memories as a kid standing in the local butcher looking up at mum while she ordered whatever meat from the guy behind the counter, as I casually swung on the large plastic dog – the plastic guide dog - which was heavy with coins given freely.  I never knew how much time and patience was needed in order to train a guide dog but after my encounter with Poochy I'll never look at them the same way again. 

After a brief lunch and a couple of beers I asked if he, the blind man, was ready to leave. "Actually"; he said with a sly smile on his face - "I think I would like to have a punt!" "Great!" I said; "What do you like to play?" I "asked  Thinking inside my head - I have to see this! He looked up at me and with an uncanny look he said; "I can hear a train and a clown coming from over that direction, I would like to play one of those machines." I told him to wait while I went and reserved a clown machine for him and his dog.

After a brief heads up to the gaming staff I made sure the blind man and his dog were seated comfortably at one of our many poker machines. And this is where he sat for the next 3 hours. I will never forget walking up to him after about 20 minutes or so and asking him so how goes it? His quick and sharp reply left me in stitches “You tell me!” I looked at his machine and smiled - he was up  and he wouldn't have even known. His credits rolled up and down over the next 3 hours or so and just has he was about to leave and cash out he hit the jackpot.  

A quick visit to the cashier and the blind man and his dog walked out with over 800 dollars. Not bad I thought for an investment of 50 dollars or so. And as I escorted him and his dog to the entrance of the casino I could not help but laugh and think – even a blind man can do it!

The Big M rip off - Check your taste buds at the door!

THE BIG M RIP OFF – CHECK YOUR TASTE BUDS AT THE DOOR

Your culinary taste buds need to roll over and die should find yourself in Cairns late at night and in need of something to eat. The late night feeds are limited and scary at best. I found myself recently finishing work in the wee hours of the morning famished and in need of some grub. As I walked around town looking for some food to tame the hungry man inside I could not help but notice that my choices were rather limited. Garage station meat pies and sausage rolls or overpriced Donna kebabs being sold by backpackers who really didn't give a shit on the overall aesthetics or look of the kebabs. Oh I forgot, The Big M is open 24 - 5 (Shut at 11pm on Monday and Tuesday - I guess people do not eat late on those days). I cannot believe in this day and age that we are so far behind in our modernism that we have forgotten that people eat at all times of the day. The breakfast lunch and dinner schedule is a thing of the past. I truly believe Australia needs to catch up on that one!

 I have traveled to many parts of Asia in my life and no matter what time of the night or day it was - a good feed was always to be found. Sure, they had their 7-11 style fast-food options but they also had restaurants that would stay open 24 hours a day. One of the greatest things about living in Communist China was leaving the bars at 2 or 3 in the morning with a group of friends and walking down the road to find not one but many street style BBQ stands offering a variety of dishes at a reasonable price. Imagine my disgust at my own country when I found myself, not drunk and alone after a long night's work with nothing to eat but grease and grease. Not trusting the dirty Donna kebab place with the cheeky back packer behind the counter I opted instead to eat at the big M. I know how mad it sounds and even as I type these words I cannot believe it myself. I was through no fault of my own forced to trust a multinational co-operation as evil as the Big M with the taming of my hunger. In the words of a great Australian - Darren Hinch "Shame Shame Shame - on me!"

As I entered through the golden arches I could feel my stomach clinching in disgust. It knew and I knew that this was not a good thing but given the options that were available to me at this time of the night what choice did I have? After carefully scanning the menu I walked up to the counter to place my order! The great thing about modern society is the ability to walk around cashless. Most goods and services can be paid for via cash card. Which is great! I love the convenience it brings to my life. I no longer have to worry if I have cash on me and I do not need to make constant trips to the hole in the wall to make sure I have money in my pocket. And so it was on this night that I wished to pay for my fast food from hell with what we Australians call EFTPOS!

Below is a detailed word for word conversation that occurred whilst I ordered my junk food. Mc = the attendant who served me. Me = me. This is a true story about the sad state of affairs of the late night food industry in Cairns. A city that claims to be the tourist mecca of the far north.

Mc - "Hello, can I take your order?"

Me - "I'll have a big mac and an Angus burger to take away please"

Mc - "Would you like fries or a drink with that?"

Me - "No thanks just the burgers, can I use my cash card to pay?"

Mc - "Sure, just swipe your card"

It is at this point that Mc turns away to make sure that the order has been sent through to the micros screen behind her. It is also at this point that I enter my pin number and await confirmation of payment from the little EFTPOS machine that sits on the counter in front of me. The machine in front of me tells me "Payment approved - please remove card."  I remove my card at the same time Mc turns around to check the cash till screen in front of her. And this is where things go downhill. I think it is a scam being run by this store in question but I will let you be the judge of that!

Mc - "I am sorry sir; the printer did not print could you swipe your card again?"

Me - "Um no, it told me payment approved and to remove my card"

Mc - "But the printer did not work and I need you to swipe your card again"

Me - "I am not going to pay twice for the same meal"

At this stage I look down and notice the "payment approved please remove card" message is still being displayed on the little EFTPOS machine in front of me. I pick it up and turn it around and show Mc the message to make a point.

Me - "As you can see, payment approved please remove card, so I am not going to pay twice for the same meal. I work with micros cash tills as well and sometimes they run out of paper" I tell her that these kinds of things happen all the time and I'm sure we can sort it out.

Me - "Perhaps if you call the manager then they can sort it out for you" I say, knowing that sometimes all it takes is a position of power to make a judgment call.

Mc - "I am the manager" she says confidently

Me - "Great, then do your thing!" I say

Mc - "What thing?" She asks

Me - "Make a managerial decision" I say

By now Mc is starting to get more and more frustrated with my lack of conformity. Rather than adhere to her request for me to swipe my card again I stand my ground. Looking more frustrated than I've ever seen a fast food attendant look it was her next question that struck me as weird;

Mc - "Do you have phone banking?" she asks.

Me - "Are you nuts? I am not going to telephone my bank at 3.30 in the morning to see if I have paid for a Big Mac." "You're the manager it's up to you to make a decision."

Mc - "Um Yes Sir, I am the manager but I need you to swipe you card again to allow the transaction to be complete.

This back and forth and constant request for my card to be swiped again goes on for about two or three minutes. I point out that she herself saw the message on the machine and mistakes happen but instead her tone of voice now makes me feel like it is I who might be wrong. But I know I am right. By this time the two burgers I've ordered have been microwaved and packed and the bag is ready. Her reluctance to hand over the bag as well as her constant requests for me to swipe my card twice and pay double for the food has now begun to irritate me and try as I may to remain calm I am beginning to lose my cool. I can feel my anger rising and as I look around the store for some sort of calm I notice that Mc has placed the bag on the counter. I felt like I was being played and the way Mc treated me wreaked of a scam.

Me - "I am tired and hungry, I just finished work and all I want is something to eat!" I say to her as she hands me the bag with that look in her eye that says "I know he knows"

Mc - "I am giving you the food, please do not get upset" she says condescendingly

Me - "You are not giving it to me" I said firmly "I've already paid for it"

And with that I walked out the door more angrier at the golden arches then Morgan Spurlock was during his film "Super-Size Me!” Scamming people at the counter is nothing new. 20 years in and out of the hospitality industry as taught me many tricks. While I walked home with my take away bag in hand and the junk food that I would later consume but not enjoy. I kept asking myself; how many people would she do that to in a night? The average customer who walks through these particular golden arches is sloshed, intoxicated and staggering to a point where they're more or less operating on automatic pilot. Young backpacker drunk and in need of something to eat who like myself opted for the Big M. Would they even question or stand their ground as I had done?

How many of these inebriated people would not think twice and swipe their card? Would you think to check your bank account in the morning to see if that big mac order went through? Well I did and sure enough there was a transaction history. I was right to stand my ground. Score one for the small guy! Suffice it to say I have made sure that I never find myself in that situation again. I have my fridge at home ready with all the good things I need to keep my tastes buds happy! The culinary palate of Cairns may be dead at night but at least now I don't have to check my tastes buds at the door!